There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. – Richard Bach
Oh, delicious adversity: my client Jess recently told me about hard stuff she’s experienced in her business, that she just couldn’t seem to recover from. Shady business partner! Unexpected expenses! Failed product launch! and so on.
It was if she’d written “sucker” on her forehead, and given up – that was the meaning she’d made from the difficulties she’d experienced.
Now Jess is capable, and actually brilliant, but wasn’t totally aware of these two things when we talked. Her take on the “adversity” kept her from seeing the good stuff, and getting on with it.
Here are the gifts we talked about that Jess got out of her tough experiences, (that are available to all of us):
1. The gift of Clarity
You know that fuzzy warm-ish feeling – “I sort of want this… and wouldn’t it be nice if… and I think I’m kind of good at…” It’s pretty nice, right? Yeah, but let’s not oversell it. It’s alright. It’s not great.
Compare that to the blazing hot “THIS is who I am, and I don’t want that anymore, I now want THIS, and I won’t stop until I make it happen!” It’s a little bit more passionate, isn’t it? It also gets results.
Now tell me which you’d prefer – the tepid or the passionate?
Ever tried to jump straight from tepid to passionate? Doesn’t happen. Not easily, anyway – you need something to galvanize you, and often it looks like adversity. Your brain doesn’t jump straight to passionate without reason, it needs contrasting data to draw new conclusions. That usually involves looking at unwelcome data, if only for a short while.
Going through the fire is still the most effective way to shape the sword.
Stuck in a job you hate? You’re getting clear on what you’re willing to do to get different results. Subconsciously, you are doing a ton of work to build your perfect definition of freedom.
Embarrassed by your results/performance? You’re building humility and resolve. Use it to serve others.
Victim of an unfair business deal/life event? You’re building compassion. Use it liberally on yourself and others.
Envy those at the top? You’re building desire. You’re building an appetite, appreciate it. Feed it.
2. The gift of Ownership
Some of us are really good at taking responsibility for ourselves, for others, even for our communal results. But it’s my theory that all of us have room to grow in ownership:
owning our talents, owning our desires, owning our results.
Adversity can help us do that – just take a look at our recession: If you were growing your business in a booming economy, you wouldn’t have to take so much responsibility for your gifts. You’d be able to ride the wave a bit more, even coast. Be generic, hide out in a pack. If you looked like everyone else in your field, you’d probably still get a steady paycheck of some sort. You wouldn’t really know if the results you got were about you, or the trend.
When things go wrong, or the circumstances aren’t perfect, you gotta use your voice, or suffer the consequences for keeping silent.
In a recession, you’ve gotta learn to say “Hi world. this is who I am. And I know I told you that I used to be about x and y, but I’m now ready to talk about z. This is what I have to contribute, and this is what I’m gonna do about it.”
3. The gift of Self-Trust
Baby, if you can get through this difficult situation, you can get through anything. Doesn’t matter what the adversity is, you can receive the gift of self-trust by making it through, and adhering to your values as you do it. You may not even remember how you did it, but you know that if you get “tested” or meet adversity again, you can handle it. You can take care of yourself. And you can stay true to yourself while you do it.
Knowing what you’re capable of, and trusting that, is a precious, precious feeling. It’s an earned gift, don’t waste it.
So here’s what I told Jess:
I don’t think it’s adversity that really takes it toll on us, it’s receiving the gifts of adversity, and then not using them.
Every time you face adversity, you become greater. If you don’t live up to that, your newly minted and expanded gifts waste away. And you start to get weird.
She got it. She realized she getting a little wonky as she acted like a smaller version of her glorious self. Especially when what she really wants has become so clear to her.
The difference between shrinking from the adversity and thrilling to the challenge is pretty simple.
It’s about leading with your gifts, or not. Trusting yourself, or not. Using your clarity, or not. There will always be really good reasons why adversity is hard. And even better reasons why you’ll be able to make it through and be better for it.
Consider this a call to action for this week, my doves – take flight, live up to your new and expanded version of talented, gifted you. Use your gifts, spread them around. Be generous. Trust yourself.
Spread the wealth….
What’s a gift you’ve received from adversity? How are you using that in the present?
Share your thoughts with us – half-baked or fully cooked. Mwah!
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