I was sitting in this hot little creperie over the weekend with a dozen amazing people from oh, all over, slurping fruity rum things and stealing each others’ crepes, eating with our fingers. (That’s the best way. Promise. Just pretend it’s Indian food, and don’t show any Frenchies.)
And a beautiful, subtle someone quickly vacated when I sat down. Someone who has said my writing is scary. I shrugged. “Maybe she doesn’t speak type A.” This got a rowdy giggle from all the powerhouses that sat at the table. “It’s about the fit, it’s not about her or me.”
5 businesses, 3 speakers, 1 husband, and 2 dogs later, “the fit” came up again and again. Where people struggled with the very personal and business nature of the the fit. About speakers, and audiences. Of customers, and mentors. Cuz a bad fit can hurt like hell. Or at least it used to for me, until I finally stopped taking it so personally.
We run on frequencies, and we’re not all going to line up. Ships pass in the night on different wavelengths, harmonic rhapsodies grow dissonant over time. It happens. Sometimes we deeply want to click as co-creators, and we’re actually better off as pals. Lovers, when we should be besties. Customers, when we should be twitter buds from afar. You know what I’m saying:
If you don’t like their speech, maybe you’re not ready for it. If you don’t like their launch, they’re probably not talking to you.
When it’s about the fit, you’ve got as much responsibility and control as the other side does, and it ceases to be a game of Approval Twister. Which invites even goofier contortions than you’re imagining right now. Wait for it – theeere ya go. If you went weirder, that’s just about right.
Cuz there’s laaaahts of all-or-nothing talk going on these days. “X is gross” “Y is bad” “Z is scary.” But it’s just not that personal. Or at least it isn’t, until you make it that way, or opt-out of a relationship when there isn’t full agreement. This amounts to developing communities based on singular consensus, instead of compliment.
The most productive communities and relationships are not ones united by consensus. They are built on complimentary values, complimentary strengths, and complimentary behaviors. I can’t tell ya what to do, but I want so much for you to be building relationships with those who compliment your views instead of replicating them, and that you use differing views or behaviors as fuel, without making it personal.
We need the differences. Need ‘em bad, or this is just a bunch of digital air-kisses that don’t amount to collective contribution. To make that real contribution, we need people to stimulate us, inspire us, and yes, frustrate us. If you want the safe space, visit islands of agreement when you need to, and sail the seas of creativity the rest of the time. You desperately need the contrast of the not-good fit from time to time, because:
The state we call “inspired” comes from agreement with something, and is usually not real creative inspiration. It’s more like “motivation.” To fire off those new neural pathways, true inspiration is sparked by being aware of what we don’t want.
So it’s not a scary world to walk in when you believe you’re searching out the right fit for your gifts, and simply getting inspired along the way. One thing I’ll say for the corporate world and my mother – these two forces of nature hammered this one home until I got it. (Junior high nonsense? Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke. Not a good fit. Oooh, Mom…)
And when you do find the fit, it is oh-so-sweet. We’re here togethah because of that rare and precious compliment. ‘S one of the reasons I call ya “darling,” and cannot wait to share the next important thing with you. Because I’ve got to lead a movement or I’ll go mad, and you need resources to rock your genius like whoa.
And that’s a beautiful fit.
Big love,
Sinclair
Chime in: Where do you already get fit-ology in your life, and what areas could stand another dose of it?
No related posts.
Activate your vision, build your world class brand.
